I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
The only words we could get out of him as he stared catatonically into space were "Everyone I know and love is dead"
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
Randomize
