the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
