You work out of a Hotel?
I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
