you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
