i always forget guys have bellybuttons
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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