just come out here and I will go home with you...
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Just bought a gingerbread house kit and pregnancy tests. Happy holidays.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
