so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
