don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
