Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
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