i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I have a horrible feeling I left my dildo in the kitchen today after washing it. This is my life.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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