I heard we made out
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
