I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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