btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Floor bacon is actually really good
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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