Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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