hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
