In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize