Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Is Oprah even human
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
Randomize
