The only pictures he has from one of the biggest football weekends is an album titled "I miss my dog" filled with tons of pictures of his dog and him. This relationship must end.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
She's officially a Tinder poltergeist.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
