Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
