my sisters under your porch take her home
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
