A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize