And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
i woke up this morning wearing my pants as a scarf and my shirt as a daiper, my boyfriends contact name in my phone is "human sacrifice" and yours is "i like eggs"....can someone please tell me what happened last night
Randomize
