He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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