I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
I feel great
I just peed on a car
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
I'm going to see if it catches on fire again, then I'll make the decision.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
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