According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
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