Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
