please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
