The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
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