There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
you made out with another girl for some wings
Randomize
