you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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