my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
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