My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Randomize
