She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
