yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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