If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
