Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
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