If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
pretty sure i had my hand down BOTH their pants at the same time at some point...
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
Do you know how hard it is to put a bandaid on a vagina?
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
Randomize
