when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
Randomize