I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Less talking, more tequila
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
FRIENDS DON'T LET FRIENDS WASTE THE LAST ADDERALL.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Randomize
