There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Can you bring me the toilet please
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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