The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
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