wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
