Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
And I'm also limping. I just wish that I had self control. I'm 23 for fuck sake and I'm sitting at work, with mascara down my face, vomit on my clothes and an unknown black substance on my tits. How will I ever find my Greek husband if I keep this up?
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
