A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I think they were making kool-aid in my bed. There is lots of sugar and my hands and face are stained blue.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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