I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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