Do u think she knows her nickname is the oompa loompa
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
There's a weed, money and oreo filled pinata promised for our party.
Randomize
