Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
Randomize
