Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
Randomize
