we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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