The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Well. Another one of my exes came out of the closet.
Is it normal for a guy to send you a dick pic along with “He misses you”
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
Randomize
