At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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