and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You know you're in the hamptons when it's 10pm And you kind of want to vomit white wine on rug that costs more than your apartment.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
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