I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
While I'm here in reality dreaming of catching chili cheese fries with my mouth out of t shirt guns like Jesus is real
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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