My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
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