he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Im just a social blackout drinker.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
