Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
the day after is always just damage control
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
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