Are we in a gay sports bar?
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
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