so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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