if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
