??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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