My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
I wish you could order shots online.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
saturday- my day is open, my legs are not. you in?
well apparently not.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
