Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
My breasts were aching with rage.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
