ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
I'm at about main and main street
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
