I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
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