I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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