these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
Randomize
