Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
You did an excessive amount of blow and then screamed "WHO THE FUCK NEEDS A LADDER?!" And then Mario style wall-jumped onto the roof. It was one of the most impressive things I've ever seen.
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