There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
