Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
