when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
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