I'm jealous of your bromance
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
