this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Randomize