the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
My doctor just informed me that my food allergies qualify me for a medical marijuana license. I get it on Tuesday. It won't help at all, but my life is awesome!
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nah its cool some of my cousins have fucked the same girls and brought them on family vacations and everything.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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