i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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