mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
