I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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