i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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