I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
