Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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