For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Figured out how I got so much alcohol in my hair: tried to drink my drink using my cleavage as a cup holder. Missed my drink hole and got it all in my hair
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
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