Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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