You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
So gin and wine won't be happening again
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
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