i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
sorry I called you to cry about the state of the neopets economy
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
