so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
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