Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
