I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
