It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Randomize
