I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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