After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
Randomize
