I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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